Fangulous

   Word count: 646
Status: Complete; posted to QuailBell Magazine.com
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    I, a humble mortal, greet you, Vampire. You are “in” this decade. In case you are over a hundred years old—no, don’t tell me—that means we humans are very interested in your kind. Ever since the supernatural genre tweaked your image, many people find you irresistible. How has your image changed? They say your heart still beats with compassion, you abstain from drinking human blood out of courtesy, and that you even sparkle under the sun. In other words, humans are more than willing to let you take advantage of them. You are the bewitching predator.  I can’t presume to tell you, the masters of seduction, about increasing performance in the bedroom, but I can give you a general overview of humans today.
    If you were asleep for the last few decades, humans enjoy a steady source of income, allowing them the freedom to play, shop, and travel. The computer industry is one of the boosts that has helped humans get to this point. Towns are no longer separated; the Internet connects everyone, all the time. Kind of like your telepathy, except it’s voluntary.
    A lot of humans spend more time under the sun and other man-made sources of ultraviolet radiation in order to tan their skin. They have also become obsessed with dying their hair different colors including bright blonde, brilliant bronze, and blood red—pun intended. Speech has taken a plunge. Definitions have changed, the endings of words have been chopped short, and unfinished sentences run rampant. Your technologically-challenged state, your paler complexion and, impeccable grammar are sure to set you apart from the modern day crowd.
    Many things are now common place, if not socially acceptable, though people would still rather not talk about. Attracted to the same sex? Alright. Like bondage or any other painful activities? Someone out there is interested. Any and all acts can be fulfilled, but continue to keep them to yourself.And it is not only men that are involved. Just like how taverns are no longer a man's pastime. Men and women mingle in bars and clubs. It is one of the main ways to find a willing partner to leave with.You can even sample the goods while dancing, which is akin to sex with clothes on nowadays. Take your time and enjoy the appetizers.
    Once you are done and have brought your human to your lair, it's all up to you.  Due to your predatory nature, inflicting pain on your partner’s body is expected. To increase pleasure for both participants, I suggest drinking very little blood before the act, since hunger is the best seasoning. I have read that bloodsucking can be a very sensual act, if done right. Scratches and bite marks will be numerous and bones may be broken in the process. Do what you do best, but please be sure not to overdo it. But in case you do kill your human, by accident or not, obliterate the evidence or you won’t get away with murder. Well, you will, but this isn’t the 1500s. The police will start investigating, it will be on the evening news, and everyone will be talking about it. If anything, you will be annoyed to death—pun!—before the talk dies down, which could lead you into a cycle of murderous rampages.
    Humans have become more advanced, but still give into their more base instincts when you come around. There is not much else I can impart to you. If I have forced you into a stereotype, Vampire, I sincerely apologize. With all of these versions authors and movies feeds us, it is difficult to know fact from fiction. Please, do me no harm, for I know you not. All I do know is that you are fangulous.