A Hot-blooded Affair

Word count: 611
Status: Complete; posted to QuailBell Magazine.com
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    Courting a legendary man-eating creature known as the dragon is by no means an easy feat. It’s downright difficult, if not suicidal. If you are looking for a quick fling, I suggest choosing a being that doesn't see think your a meal. But, if your heart is set on it, I shall explain how to gain a dragon's interest. Or at least maximize your chance of getting past the entrance without being incinerated on sight.
    First, I am surprised you were able to find a dragon to begin with. It's not like they rampage through cities anymore. When humans upgraded from swords and suits of armor, the remaining dragons took to ground, some quite literally and others shape-shifted into humans. No one enjoys a bullet or bomb to the face. A dragon discovered by a human will attempt to kill it. You must launch into the courtship before it can work up a fire-loogie.
    Before you begin, I must caution you. Every dragon has its own personality and temperament. Some are gentle and conversational. Others are tricky brutes. It is difficult to gauge which one your dragon might be, because of its perfect poker face. Be alert to any head cocking, tongue lapping, wing flapping, or claw digging. You will have to change tactics quickly in order to keep its thoughts off what temperature your flesh will char at best.
    As Beyoncé once said, “If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it.” In fact, bring several and any other valuable trinkets. Don't bring any of that fake Wal-Mart jewelry. A dragon knows the difference. Make sure to remain in the mouth of the residence where the light is best and escape is easy. Dragons love basking in mountains of shining accumulated wealth.
    Dragons are extremely vain. Where you can butter up a human with compliments for a while before they realize you are fooling them, dragons know instantly. They will rumble in pleasure as they keep you scrambling for new words of praise. And probably kill you when you fail to come up with more.
    If you are lucky, the dragon will shape-shift into human form if it wasn't in it already. When you are comfortable, your true intentions show. You speak your mind. You get too familiar. Beware! They are lulling you into an illusion of safety. Retake control of the situation. When the time is right, invite the dragon to play a game or any other relationship-building activity. Just because dragons enjoy human flesh doesn't mean it won't play a few rounds of Scrabble with you. Go out on the town or stroll through the wild. Talk of them and make sure to insert some choice bits of you into the conversation. Continue watching for any sudden movements.
    Rinse and repeat the steps above until the dragon clues you into the fact that you are no longer on its To Eat list. Of course it may be lying to you, but you knew the risks. Now it is time to earnestly seduce your dragon. Again, depending on your dragon's personality, some require years of courtship or and others will go straight to the deed.
    Whether you are male or female, take the leading role. A dragon can't resist a confident partner. A successful seduction is not guaranteed. You might have found a promiscuous dragon or one looking for a life commitment. Hopefully you found the one that suits you. Or it will follow your lead, grow bored, and kill you.
    It is a game of chance with your life as the bet. If that is too steep, stick to humans.